A candle for you : HAPPY DIWALI

When I entered my long dark dorm,

After my share of life’s endless storm,

I felt like a mile though I moved a few feet,

Thump after thump, the melancholy beat,

But the world aside was so new,

Blowing afresh my day now flew,

I rushed for match and soon luminance drew,

When I lit a candle for you.

I looked at the candle, yellow so bright,

Countering darkness with flaming might,

With swarming bugs who joggled as if prayed, 

As the grandma’s mystic fables, the flames swayed,

Sweet as sugar, tiny and true,

 When I lit a candle for you.

Thodi si Shayari

Thoda main bhi jala hun, par dhuan kahin nahi hai,
thoda main bhi mara hun, par sansen thami nahi hai,
muddat guzar chuki hai, aankhen ab bhi deedar ko taraste hain,
ek baar palat kar dekhna zara, abhi bhi pyar ki koi kami nahi hai.


Maangta hun tujhko, bas teri yaad ka sahaara hai,
doobti hai puri duniya hai meri, bas tu hi ek sahara hai,
dard-e-ashiqui ka bas yehi to nazaara hai,
meri har baat mein tera hi zikr gawaara hai.

Yaadein

Na jane jyun main tujhko bhul nahi pata,
jo dard hai mujh mein wo ghul nahi pata,
yun to hazaro chehre yaad nahi ab mujhko magar,
jo dil se nikla hi nahi usse kabhie bhul nai pata.

khwahishon ke toofan mein nishan mit te chale gaye,
channd sikke khushiyon ke raaston mein girte chale gaye,
humne jo samajh kar jhooth kiya darkinaar jise,
unhi raaston ki baaton ko ye dil bhul nai pata.

mana ki mohabbat mein mili saza humko,
ki har arzoo hi ban gayi hai aansuon ki wajah ab to,
jo toota tha khwab kabhie, ab aakhnon mein phir kaise sajaaun,
ab to sapno ke jhulon mein bhi main jhul nahi pata,
Ab bhi kuch yaadein hai jo main bhul nai pata.

Ticking Clocks

Life is blown out like a candle flame,

Future with-held in doors unclaimed,

Running away as to be tangle free,

Brings me again to the good old tree.

The tree with the knowledge of love,

Where tenderness bestows from above.

I may have grown a day to old,

Confident, grumpy or too bold,

But I don't want to remain in flocks,

Running around the same old blocks.

Tired of the haste and intangible locks,

As time's running out in ticking clocks.

I won't stop no matter what happens,

As the one above never defined my cause,

But it doesn't mean I could take a pause,

No matter what I am, It doesn't matter what i was,

I am ever-changing, persistent as time,

Even though the world shall mock,

And time still runs away in the ticking clocks.

A Heart-Hole : a small tale

"I hate hospitals."

Seriously, they make you feel more sick than you could ever imagine. Though a private hospital looks like the most cleanest place on the earth but its a fact that a hospital cradles high risk of contagious diseases. From the moment i entered the hospital that weird smile on the receptionist's face made me think over and again. As if her smile was was saying " Welcome sir. You are next. Prepare to get screwed for good."And believe it or not my toothache felt much worse than it normally did.

And what could I say about that long confusing walk along the hallway leading to the general ward. Man that place gives me creeps. People yelling, never ending visitors, smell of Dettol all over, the over efficient sweepers and the ever so uncomfortable Doctors running around. You know sometimes I look at these white apron-clad people I feel sorry for them that they visit this pain-in-the-a** place day in and day out, without any excuse, and to the problems of all those people who have some problem or the other.( I wonder if anyone comes back and thanks the doctor for their work). An here I was again with my basket of problems. Surely after paying the fat medical bills of my family, I think they owe some attention to me too. 

But hang on, the worse part is the patients. Sitting in the hospital I was waiting for the long queue of patients to end. I had a few "companions" in my previous "ventures". From broken limbs to running stomachs, i felt more and more miserable as each of them explained their quandaries and how-they-landed-here stories. Whether its the Aunty, who lives three blocks away from my house, suffering form loose motions or the salesman who broke his leg after he slipped on the doorsteps of Mr.Sharma's house, everyone had a not-to-do list for me to avoid such circumstances. They smiled when they told their silly moments of success of how they landed up here. They thought they warned me but instead they made me fear more and I could do nothing more than to console them. So I mostly ended up getting bored or devastated from the boring talks.

 I usually came for dental check-ups. But today something different awaited me. A small girl came from nowhere and sat next to me on the chairs. She slowly settled down with her yellow stuffed toy and she looked closely at my watch. I pretended I was not watching her as I allowed the kid to do whatever she wanted.
"Do you watch Pokemon or you like Mr.Bean" she asked me. I looked around and asked her  if she was talking to me, she nodded yes.
"But you didn't answer, Mr.bean or Pokemon?"she asked again.
"Pokemon, I guess" I saw the stuffed Pickatchu toy in her hand so I was kind of influenced.
"Me and my brother like Pikatchu and Vulpix. What's your favorite one?"
"Charrizard and Onyx, I guess." I said as I couldn't remember any more names.
"You know, Ash could capture an Onyx with his Vulpix" she exclaimed as I asked " Who is Ash?"
She said as she slapped her head and went loudly and said " The one who caught pokemon, how could you forget that?" I was guilty as a crook to her that instant as she shared as sweet smile with me moments later.
And then started a quarter hour conversation about the beasts and their special powers. I failed in front of the knowledge of the little one many times but i loved how she laughed at my every failure. It was so sweet.
She told how she could sing the Captain Planet theme song or the Shaktimaan  dialogues in the section called " Choti choti magar Moti Batein". She also told me about how much she dislikes the fat matron and the evening pills she is supposed to take and how they end up below her bed after her vomiting.
I asked " Why are you here, you look fine, aren't you?"
"You know these people around here are mad. I don't know why have caged me. They call me in a room and take Ghost-copies of my body(X-rays) and hang them on the white board. I asked my mother once but she is also confused. I tell you If she stays around here she would also god mad." and suddenly she asked "Are you mad Abhishek bhaiya?" and started laughing. I could barely control my laughter. This girl was a laugh riot no wonder they called her sick. Sometimes I would explain something to her and she would call me idiot or fool  explaining her version of the same story and laugh by herself as I made faces to react to her sweet criticism.
Suddenly I saw a nurse calling from a distance. " Come here" she said. She waved hands at us and soon as she saw me rising she called again "Not you, the little girl".
"I have to go now." She said and i nodded to agree.
As she started to leave i asked what her name was she replied "Ananya" and waved her hands to say goodbye. I was so pleased for the time which I spent with the little friend of mine.

 Later after my checkup I went around the ward to look around for her but couldn't find her. All of a sudden I saw the nurse who had called for her. She looked in a hurry as I asked the nurse about the about the girl.
"Which one..oh..Ananya...that poor girl suffers from ASD..Atrial septal defect"
"What's that?" I asked as it was a never heard term.
"A hole in the heart..the kid has hole in the heart and soon she would be operated somewhere in Delhi. Her parents came to fill up the necessary forms. She is being shifted from here to AIIMS, Delhi" She said and ran away as the doctor called for her.
I could say anything. Poor child. I wondered many times how could a child suffer from this. Even imagining the childhood of the girl gave me shivers. I looked around at people moaning and stuffed in plasters and now I could see their hope of being healthy and free. I could feel the freedom and the blessing as I was able to walk as a much more healthy person than many more around me. I was feeling a supernal blessing and I prayed for the others around me.This time as I walked away from the hospital I didn't utter a single word.
Suddenly the respect for the place had grew many-folds. As now it had become a sacred place where hope lies for the ones who need it most.

Bihari BC : Raavan saved by Corruption (WTF??)

"Jabtak Bihar mein corruption rahega tabtak yahaan raavan nahi jalega." (Untill corruption fades away from Bihar till then the Raavan effigy won't burn).

This was a statement given by one of the national leaders in India. The s#!t was laid by the gentleman, one fine evening, and our ever-so-ready media aired it immediately to sprinkle its fragrance. Later in the evening this good-for-nothing news spread from a local channel to a national news channel ( a channel famous for its updated news about the god-forsaken places and never heard news as if freshly cooked from the oven of fiction) comment lured some other d!(k heads and finally a debate took place over the issue that which party can be held responsible for the failure in the Raavan Dahan incident.

"Yeh sarkar kitni asafal rahi hai iska andaaza aap iss ghatna se laga sakte hain."(You can estimate the failure of this state government by the failure of the Raavan Dahan incident)

Another marvelous statement by another dignitary. Even the host reporters took this incidence as a matter of reputation for government. I didn't get what was the need of such a coverage for such an issue. As the festive season drew to close every other local news channel aired the same news with much more cheesy quotes and worthless punchlines. The issue had gathered more heat than what Mr.Raavan's effigy managed in the evening. What was raised as the light hearted sarcasm turned into an unlikely act of glib talks and rubbish representation of the modern ministers and (self-pronounced) intellectuals. It was a mockery of the Indian Media and I could barely enjoy it.

I don't think that people have forgotten the LALU effect. That time the Raavan effigy used to burn smoothly. What would the ministers have a say about that. The progress of Bihar at that time has become such a stain in the glory of Bihar that still today boorish and disgraceful comments are passed on the state and its residents. Was it that Mr. Raavan feared the CM's famil so that even he feared in residing here, Mr.Minister?


As I slowly lost my patience, I switched off the television fearing that they might blame the national government for giving license for poor firework material, state government for not investing in proper quality of bows and blah blah.

Finally the ice broke when one of the Ramleela Samiti member came in front of the media and took the blame for the event and apologized for such mishap. (Seriously they should come up with something different each year you know. Two years ago they simply created history by burning Kumbhakarna first and then Meghnad in front of the national television. A year later the head of the Raavan was left unharmed as the fire stopped somewhere in between. This year the Raavan had more luck and saved his butts too. At first only his back was on fire!!!)

I don't know what would happen next year but going by the story of the Dusshera eve Mr.Raavan could rest peacefully in Bihar for few more years for sure.

P.S. There is no doubt that the combustion of the effigy by the government is itself a shameful act as it promotes use of fire-crackers which hurl a lot of smoke in the air along with the malicious gases. On one side people are requesting to reduce the use of these crackers due to emission of harmful gases and Global heat issues and on the other hand such demonstrations give away the idea of a general awareness about its ill effects.

Salaam Mumbai ( the cry of the autowala)

They say I do not belong here,
They come and beat me anywhere,
Whether I lie along streets, homeless and alone,
Tired of sweating for every penny I own,
The come,ramp and burn,and destroy,
Nobody is there to here me cry,
When the cameras shoot and the police don't pry,
As the khakis and media have rules to adhere,
They show me that I do not belong here.


When I came here in the city of dreams,
in the midst of people, I was lost in screams,
learned to work for a living and never complain,
I took what was offered and  overlooked the disdain,
when I conquered troubles as trifles and incurred some pain,
either lost in the darkness in the city of hopes,
I was building my dreams on the sundry layers,
and now they tell me I do not belong here.

I offered my service,my sweat,my blood,
When these Babus took decisions and hatred flood,
they took away or burnt every bit I earned,
hurt and burnt I cried lying in despair,
outcasted by those who have my language to compare,
 As now still they say I do not belong here.

P.S This post is dedicated to those ruthless people who plunder the hopes of millions who strive on their hard earned daily wages. They burn their autos and shops just to create chaos and the one on the throne just glib rubbish around. Seriously its time that the MNS workers in Maharastra stop doing these acts of cruelty on the name of social service. May Goddess Durga bless these dumbos with some brains and the autowalas with hope and bestow some fortune on them.

Why do I feel guilty?

" So often people respond to guilt by engaging more in the guilt evoking act in an attempt to drown the sense of guilt" : Martin Luther King, Jr.

I feel that it's really an awsome way how nature works. If one hurts others we have a surge of emotions towards the person and empathy rises. This leads to shame, after all we are social animals right, no matter how bad we are we feel responsible. And the most astonishing fact is that we hurt those things too which we care about every second of our existence, ourselves.

The problem is that there are many ways we try to avoid guilt that result in more guilt. Its an unconscious process and also cyclic. 

What I mean the feeling of the fact that one does wrong to someone by not performing up to the mark. At times it demoralizes you and crushes you from the inside.

You know how to overcome this guilt. Yes I found some ways. To curb the guilt one need commitment.  There are a few simple things that I have changed and done and that has helped me to regain some self esteem in the recent past.

1.        If you commit to something stick to it: It’s simple if you can’t complete something in or at the time you should never commit to such a work. It avoids further guilt and shame and saves a lot of time for reasoning and prevents unwanted arguments that may prove as source to more guilt. It took a long time for me to understand it and I would recommend it for each of us out there in the world who are troubled with being stuck in the cobwebs of their commitments and make their life a chaotic one.

2.       Completed work = satisfaction= confidence. : Another simple equation and this really boosts you morale and you would be compelled to work further more. So we again have a work cycle and the output would be pure relaxation.

3.       Forget the past..After you have learnt from it: The moment we look back in the past we tend to realize our failures and we are loaded with remorse. So my way of looking at the past is that you see your past as a learning experience. Don’t ever go crying over it, learn, and learn to overcome obstacles and avoiding mistakes. Learn to move on!!

In the memory of Bapu

Keep Smiling,

JGD.

P.S. : This post was written by me when I was listening to ‘Trouble’ by Coldplay for 4 hours straight and couldn’t imagine how much this masterpiece shook me from inside. Today on Mahatma Gandhi Jayanti this post is a homage to one the greatest teacher and leader that ever inspired this world with truth and non-voilence.