• I wobbled across the streets all night and babbled nonsense everywhere.
• I constantly hung on the shoulders of Ghosh and messed up his jacket by vomiting on it.
• I kicked the street lights and peed in front of the LHC (in front of the guards).
• Ghosh took me to the senior hostel as he lost his keys and I had not got mine.(I should say that I was not in a position to respond in a natural way).
• I was taken to the restrooms where water was spilled over me to wake me up but all in vain.
• The warden was on a surprise visit where he caught me drunk with others. Worse I showed my ‘you-know-which’ finger to him.
• Lastly, the one whom I kissed was Ghosh that too in front of the whole bunch of seniors and of course the warden and ran fast to bang myself on the pillars.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
HIBERNATION III: Screwed (continued from Hibernation II)
“Have you gone mad or I have started hearing things?” Ghosh said angrily to me.
We had been walking for a while now. Every now and then I felt as if somebody was supporting me, as if I was resting on someone’s shoulders. For a brief moment I thought I was at home with my mother. It was a sweet feeling. I never felt this alone.
As we walked past the trees I could hear the birds. A smooth but light wind was blowing. But I felt some chill. I usually like walking alone at night but it was a different experience altogether.
“I hate streetlights. I hate them glow at night. Its light just pins my eyes. Somebody please shut them down.” I was speaking rubbish. My feet ache.
As we passed LHC I expressed my desire to release a few liters of fluid by two different methods.
Firstly I vomited like hell and then peed like never.
“Are you finished yet?”
I felt as if somebody was questioning me. It was the nasty old professor.
“Have you completed your paper?” I replied negative.
“I am scared.” I whispered to myself “What have I done? I have to fix it fast.”
After a nice little excuse, I went outside the exam hall. Soon the gang joined me.
“We are all screwed, thanks to Kalpana and Roshan.” Varun exclaimed pointing his fingers at me. “He is the culprit. What the F**k were you thinking?”
“No point in discussing it now. What should we do next?” said ever concerned Adi.
“Girls toilet…..no chance…..” We all knew it but as the time progressed towards the last hour, it demanded action.
“When was the last time we faced such a problem? What a silly question? Am I screwed? I will fail? Supply? Carry? Professor Vera will kill me?........... What am I thinking? “
My mind was going haywire.
“Somebody do something.” I cried as low as I could to control my emotions.
“Okay, here is the plan but I need a girl to make I work.” Ghosh said as each of us were eagerly waiting for his brilliant idea.
“Right now any girl will do. All we need to save our lives is a girl” though this line of Ghosh is always applicable in our miserable college life but the desperation was never so intense as today.
“So what is the plan?” Adi said.
“We will tell the girl to go inside the toilet and bring out our notes. Plain and simple as it could be.” Ghosh said.
“But what if she ignores our plea?”Adi said again.
“Come on, nobody is so rude” Varun said. “And please stop over-reacting Adi”.
“So what we do now to get a girl? Ahhh….I mean how we can find a girl for the plan?” Rohit corrected.
“We wait” Ghosh said with a firm look.
With fifty minutes to go Ghosh became desperate.
“Has the digestive system of these girls gone inert?” A valid question that remained unanswered.
“Do the girls know all the answers?” Adi again panicked.
“Shut up you panic machine. You are giving me creeps.” Varun yelled out loud. “It’s no use now. We have to find a girl for the plan. And I know who she is.”
Actually everyone knew the girl for the plan, everyone including me. And guess who they sent to fetch the girl? Me.
I went outside the room where Kalpana was taking her exam. I saw her sitting in the last row.
I took my chance and called her name thrice. She looked back and our eyes matched each other. I cannot explain how beautiful she looked.
“I am not the one you are thinking old boy.”
Wait, is that Kalpana, I guess not. Am I hearing things?
It was Rajan sir’s voice. Is he talking to Ghosh? What is happening?
“….what happened……..what a mess…..I carried him all the way sir…..he was babbling all the way……had too much……hold him tight…take him to the washrooms”
I heard a splash. I felt water over my face.
“No what do we do?” someone said.
“We have to find a solution to this?” Ghosh said.
Correct, Ghosh was right; we had to find a solution to this problem. I had no choice than to volunteer. After all it was my mistake and I was the one who had to rectify it. I marched towards the ladies’ toilet. No sign of fear as other held their nerves.
But I never entered the prohibited arena, my angel stood next to me. My angel, my crush, Kalpana stood in front of me with all those notes in her hand as if she was waiting for me.
“I was waiting for you. These chits are hard to understand, forget about using them.”
I looked at Varun who now looked interested in bird sighting in clear sky.
“I needed your help.” She continued “Thank god you are here. But wait, why you are ‘here’?”
“I’ll explain it to you later.”
“You know something?”
“What?”
“Something told me you would come. You would always be there to help me.”
“And why is it like that?”
“Because……”
I was waiting for the words to pop up now. I was dying for this moment. Though it was not such an auspicious event but I would take it.
Just when the love birds began to sing, the devil appeared with his trident. Take no guesses, we were caught, loud and loaded with piles of chits. I looked around. My gang was caught too and the exam was over. A mob of teachers and students surrounded us. I was screwed for good.
“I knew it. Now Mr.Roshan, what have you to say about all this?” Screw me it was Vera.
What would a wise man do now? I was shattered. I could see Kalpana in front of me. She was tensed.
And then I did something which I never thought I would be able to do. It’s strange how a feeling of being screwed as such can generate so much amount of courage that one commits the unexpected.
I showed my middle finger to Vera and moved towards Kalpana, took her into my arms and said “I love you” and before she could realize I kissed on her lips. She was taken aback and so was Vera.
I saw the escape route and I ran like hell. I could hear my friends scream. I looked back as I saw Kalpana stunned. I waved her and tossed a flying kiss.
But I realized soon that a wall applies enough force to cancel out the inertia of a flying human like me.
And yes, it pains to lose such a momentum.
As I took some water Rajan sir stepped in. Then he told me what really happened that night.
We had been walking for a while now. Every now and then I felt as if somebody was supporting me, as if I was resting on someone’s shoulders. For a brief moment I thought I was at home with my mother. It was a sweet feeling. I never felt this alone.
As we walked past the trees I could hear the birds. A smooth but light wind was blowing. But I felt some chill. I usually like walking alone at night but it was a different experience altogether.
“I hate streetlights. I hate them glow at night. Its light just pins my eyes. Somebody please shut them down.” I was speaking rubbish. My feet ache.
As we passed LHC I expressed my desire to release a few liters of fluid by two different methods.
Firstly I vomited like hell and then peed like never.
“Are you finished yet?”
I felt as if somebody was questioning me. It was the nasty old professor.
“Have you completed your paper?” I replied negative.
“I am scared.” I whispered to myself “What have I done? I have to fix it fast.”
After a nice little excuse, I went outside the exam hall. Soon the gang joined me.
“We are all screwed, thanks to Kalpana and Roshan.” Varun exclaimed pointing his fingers at me. “He is the culprit. What the F**k were you thinking?”
“No point in discussing it now. What should we do next?” said ever concerned Adi.
“Girls toilet…..no chance…..” We all knew it but as the time progressed towards the last hour, it demanded action.
“When was the last time we faced such a problem? What a silly question? Am I screwed? I will fail? Supply? Carry? Professor Vera will kill me?........... What am I thinking? “
My mind was going haywire.
“Somebody do something.” I cried as low as I could to control my emotions.
“Okay, here is the plan but I need a girl to make I work.” Ghosh said as each of us were eagerly waiting for his brilliant idea.
“Right now any girl will do. All we need to save our lives is a girl” though this line of Ghosh is always applicable in our miserable college life but the desperation was never so intense as today.
“So what is the plan?” Adi said.
“We will tell the girl to go inside the toilet and bring out our notes. Plain and simple as it could be.” Ghosh said.
“But what if she ignores our plea?”Adi said again.
“Come on, nobody is so rude” Varun said. “And please stop over-reacting Adi”.
“So what we do now to get a girl? Ahhh….I mean how we can find a girl for the plan?” Rohit corrected.
“We wait” Ghosh said with a firm look.
With fifty minutes to go Ghosh became desperate.
“Has the digestive system of these girls gone inert?” A valid question that remained unanswered.
“Do the girls know all the answers?” Adi again panicked.
“Shut up you panic machine. You are giving me creeps.” Varun yelled out loud. “It’s no use now. We have to find a girl for the plan. And I know who she is.”
Actually everyone knew the girl for the plan, everyone including me. And guess who they sent to fetch the girl? Me.
I went outside the room where Kalpana was taking her exam. I saw her sitting in the last row.
I took my chance and called her name thrice. She looked back and our eyes matched each other. I cannot explain how beautiful she looked.
“I am not the one you are thinking old boy.”
Wait, is that Kalpana, I guess not. Am I hearing things?
It was Rajan sir’s voice. Is he talking to Ghosh? What is happening?
“….what happened……..what a mess…..I carried him all the way sir…..he was babbling all the way……had too much……hold him tight…take him to the washrooms”
I heard a splash. I felt water over my face.
“No what do we do?” someone said.
“We have to find a solution to this?” Ghosh said.
Correct, Ghosh was right; we had to find a solution to this problem. I had no choice than to volunteer. After all it was my mistake and I was the one who had to rectify it. I marched towards the ladies’ toilet. No sign of fear as other held their nerves.
But I never entered the prohibited arena, my angel stood next to me. My angel, my crush, Kalpana stood in front of me with all those notes in her hand as if she was waiting for me.
“I was waiting for you. These chits are hard to understand, forget about using them.”
I looked at Varun who now looked interested in bird sighting in clear sky.
“I needed your help.” She continued “Thank god you are here. But wait, why you are ‘here’?”
“I’ll explain it to you later.”
“You know something?”
“What?”
“Something told me you would come. You would always be there to help me.”
“And why is it like that?”
“Because……”
I was waiting for the words to pop up now. I was dying for this moment. Though it was not such an auspicious event but I would take it.
Just when the love birds began to sing, the devil appeared with his trident. Take no guesses, we were caught, loud and loaded with piles of chits. I looked around. My gang was caught too and the exam was over. A mob of teachers and students surrounded us. I was screwed for good.
“I knew it. Now Mr.Roshan, what have you to say about all this?” Screw me it was Vera.
What would a wise man do now? I was shattered. I could see Kalpana in front of me. She was tensed.
And then I did something which I never thought I would be able to do. It’s strange how a feeling of being screwed as such can generate so much amount of courage that one commits the unexpected.
I showed my middle finger to Vera and moved towards Kalpana, took her into my arms and said “I love you” and before she could realize I kissed on her lips. She was taken aback and so was Vera.
I saw the escape route and I ran like hell. I could hear my friends scream. I looked back as I saw Kalpana stunned. I waved her and tossed a flying kiss.
But I realized soon that a wall applies enough force to cancel out the inertia of a flying human like me.
And yes, it pains to lose such a momentum.
As I took some water Rajan sir stepped in. Then he told me what really happened that night.
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